(Source: Pennsylvania Gazette)

The annual appearance of U.S. News' college guide never fails to spawn debate about the merit of such rankings. Some call it a glorified beauty contest that rewards the haves and punishes the have nots. Others say it's a useful tool for parents and students. But everyone, it seems, pays attention.

I'm often asked what I think about college rankings and U.S. News in particular. In response, I normally share a piece I wrote many years ago for my alumni magazine, the Pennsylvania Gazette. At that time, U.S. News ranked Penn about 15th or 16th, which I thought was rather low. That's not why I wrote the piece, however. More recently, Penn has climbed as high as fourth, causing great glee among alums. We followed only Harvard, Yale and Princeton. Beating out Stanford and MIT, among others, made us beat our collective chest. This year, Penn fell to seventh thanks to a one-point drop. Bummer. With a $3 billion campaign on the horizon, things will improve (for what it's worth).

Anyway, here's what I wrote for the Gazette:

A funny thing happened to me while shopping for a new car: I became a bona-fide "gearhead" -one of those car afficionados whose passion reveals itself approximately 15 seconds into any conversation. Only recently have I developed the courage to admit my secret. After all, I'm a respectable Penn graduate, Harvard doctoral student and university administrator. There's no place in my vocabulary for words like horsepower and torque.

My descent began with an innocent perusal of a car magazine during the early stages of browsing. I was smitten. Before I knew it, my magazine rack was cluttered with back issues of Car and Driver, Road and Track and Motor Trend instead of Lingua Franca and Change. I grew an impressive list of auto-related bookmarks on my Web browser. Screen savers, desktop wallpapers, stuff-a-day calendars-the motif was consistently employed.

Then, one sunny Saturday found me flipping through brochures at a Lamborgh ... er, Honda dealership, and it dawned on me: I'm not a nutcase, after all. Studying cars reminded me of my primary passion: colleges and universities. I'm a doctoral student; my field is higher education. I got hooked on that subject the same way-reading objective descriptions of institutions, comparing and contrasting them, exploring subtle differences in depth. Before applying to colleges and, later, graduate schools, I learned more than I needed to know. Now I'm doing the same thing with cars. So, as I see it, my two interests are actually quite similar.

Higher education and automobiles are commodities. One is a process; the other, a tangible product-but they both involve buyers and sellers. With autos and schools, consumers choose between many makes and models and each involves significant cost. After a home, a car and a college education are among life's most expensive propositions. Moreover, both your college and your car to some extent define who you are. People can form opinions-favorable or otherwise-based on what you drive or where you went. Associating ourselves with certain names tends to brand us, whether or not the stereotypes fit.

Parallels between specific universities and car makes can be drawn based on their reputations. I would posit, for example, that the average person on the street reacts to Harvard as they do to Rolls Royce-the names invoke images of wealth, privilege and tradition. Accordingly, I might pair Yale and Bentley (following the Harvard/Rolls marriage), Princeton and Jaguar (effete snobbery?) and Stanford and BMW (West Coast chic and athletic). Yugos equate to New Hampshire's Franconia College; each enjoyed a rather ephemeral existence.

Trust me, the piece is about rankings. Find out how when you read the rest here.